“Are you f-ing kidding me (AYFKM)?” Jasper suggests this is my new mantra since Charlotte was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (T1D) five months ago. And he’s right.
Two UPS packages arrived yesterday. Charlotte and her good friend Harper were excited to know what they contained. AYFKM: not the Lands End messenger bag Ms. C ordered on my debit card unbenownst to me; not the Patagonia retro swing jacket I covet deeply but can’t afford because chronic autoimmune disease management costs money even with insurance; not the publishers clearing house stack of dough that would make our life so flamboyant we could take Ms. C to Europe for T1D management that is ahead of the US and satisfy my desire to share and experience the world with my children; not not not.
Instead I opened the boxes with a sigh of resign and relief. Here are a portion of Charlotte’s life saving paraphernalia for the next three months: a heady army of needles and 750 blood glucose test strips. My daughter unflinchingly goes through an average of six strips a day – that’s six finger pricks a day folks, 6×30=180 a month, 180×12=2,160 a year, baby. Our endocrinologist says we only really need maybe five a day, but AYFKM, we’re new to this and every bite, sip, new experience for Charlo means we check.
This s*&^ is scary. If my girl nonchalantly drinks a glass of lemonade at a friend’s house as she innocently did recently, she needs a boost of insulin as her blood sugar (BG) will rise due to the carbs in the juice. AYFKM? A high BG today adds up over her lifetime and makes her predisposed to eye and kidney degeneration, loss of limbs, difficulty with pregnancy, and a host of other things.
AYFKM and hip hip hooray we are Charlotte’s pancreas! There’ve been many a moment in my life when I’ve questioned my value, my role (especially in unemployment). No longer! I am a vital organ working tirelessly to keep a little girl alive and well. I mean really, being a parent is simple compared to this. Oh, I’m that too. AYFKM? One thing at a time, please.
But despite the current trial, I am supremely lucky to have two superb, magical, resilient kids – with and without functioning pancreases. And no, I’m not f-ing kidding you . . . INFKY . . . I really am lucky.